of feelings and all

i have feelings. and i feel them sometimes. strange ones at that.
i feel slow sometimes. and heavy. congested. i feel as if my circuit's crashing. i feel all filled up. songs make them aggravate, the feelings. so i went out. for a cycle bhraman. with my discman. and songs. bad choice of company.

kgp is full of roads. that keep turning after short distances. like all roads. but its good here. at about 10 at night, there aren't many people on the inner roads of kgp. scanty traffic. and cycling alone is bliss.

so i was cycling. slow. coz i was heavy. and filled up. not with food. but feelings. i pedalled. again. and again. slowly. watching the front tyre. and the road beneath it. it was good. relative velocity. i cycled for half an hour. slowly. sat in a bus stand somewhere for sometime. then walked. with the cycle. and discman. soon realised i was walking with the music of the song. i wasn't looking ahead. i was watching my legs as i took each step. there was some rythm. the feet really look their best when reaching out for further land. and when it had grabbed a foot-long piece of land, the other one rythmically reached out for more.

there were streetlights on the roadside. lighted. and one of them was dim. i looked at it, the dim one. i too felt the same. dim. i kept walking but still kept looking at the poor streetlight. and suddenly it lit up! bright! it was so sudden! the contrast was huge! it had been lying near-dead a moment ago and suddenly it was shining so bright! i felt elated! i felt charged! i climbed on the cycle and pedalled. standing. i felt the wind. and kept pedalling harder for more and more wind. i loved the speed. i stood up to my maximum height. it was freedom! i was feeling excitement in the purest form.

i was near gol-C now. there was the usual junta wandering around. the usual peaceful atmosphere. and i was standing on my cycle (to my maximum height) and speeding like anything. i felt conscious. i sat down. slowed down. and cursed the world.

but atleast i knew now. that i do have feelings. of excitement and elation, alongside the strange ones.

void

void

the world is void right now. all of it. its all a blur. no not a blur .. its less than a blur. its blank. a zero. invisible. can't see behind the fog. the invisible fog. i know i get lost sometimes. but this is rare. blurs are fine. absolute zeros are scary.

voids are recursive. you concentrate on it, it grows larger. it engulfes the brain. it sucks the brain from inside. yes so that's where it actually is. its only inside the brain, not everywhere around.

it happens when you try to look inside. and there's nothing inside. there's a void. and you are surrounded. there is no way out now. all around you there's this plane transparent infinity.

you think about the reason. you think harder. you know who created this void in you. you know who's space it is that you have filled yourself upto brim with. but she's not there. she doesn't want this space inside you. she has left. that's why the void.

the void.

On this auspicious occasion of Valentine's Day today, I have decided to bathe. Wish me luck.

By the way, when the world is celebrating the sacred bond between two hearts, I came across this 'Anti-Valentine's Day' SMS that says :

"Never srch ur
hapines in othrs
which will make u
feel alone,srch it
in Urslf, U'll feel
hppy evn when U
r left alone- 1st
anti-valentine
day sms. Proud
to b single!"


Whatever.

My Picture Blog

Looking at some picture blogs, I have been inspired enough now to have one of my own.

And since I very much value my flair for good pics, I would like to give you a taste of it.

Here goes: Photo Imagery - http://photoimagery.blogspot.com/

And yes, I would love to have some comments.

anup

Japan's "real" 3D image projector

Japan's "real" 3D image projector - Engadget

Now that's groundbreaking!

Just think of the applications! And of what this thing could grow into in the not-so-far-away future! I am awed!

When did I lose it?

ON THE ROAD AGAIN: Life is lonely:
"Where are your wings
when you want to fly
when did you last smell
the smell of the rain
and lie on the grass"

Yeah I really had forgotten that! It has been really long since last I enjoyed rain with my face stretched upwards! Where have I been! I really don't remember anything!

When did I lose that? And why don't I try to go back to the other side?

Yes, one reason comes to mind. This can be it. That one year probably. I lost that one year and I forgot all the previous ones too. The year I prepared for IIT JEE. I seriously feel sometimes that I shouldn't have done that. To sit at home for one year for that one stupid exam. My life lost so many dimensions.

You know, I was energetic. I had energy back then. I could do anything if I wanted to. And I am a waste now.

...
I am losing words now. I should stop.

my death report

You scored as Disappear. Your death will be by disappearing, probably a camping trip gone wrong or an evening hike you never returned from. Always remeber that one guy who was hiking alone and got in a rock slide. He could have died, but he cut his own hand off to save himself. Don't end up like him (or worse, dead). Disappear 100% Gunshot 80% Stabbed 73% Disease 67% Eaten 60% Suicide 60% Suffocated 53% Cut Throat 47% Drowning 40% Bomb 40% Accident 33% Posion 33% Natural Causes 13% How Will You Die?? created with QuizFarm.com