Friday, August 15, 2008
living by living high
away in the lights
killing lonelier nights
trotting one step a time
walking without rhyme
for a reason is no more
for i hit a closed door
and i breathe in its fresh paint
and die every breath i take
so there's this friend that i trust
who gets my sanity go bust
so i can laugh out loud again
in the oblivion of insane
when the people leave the way
fearing whatever i may
do or to them say
like i'm really not ok
while i balance and stumble
and incoherently mumble
while explosions in my head
smear its insides red
i am stuck i am stuck
i am stuck deep in this muck
why, i just ran out of luck
no, maybe just made it all up
wait, i might just have been lying
no way, i'm really dying
right, dying for no one's smile
and dying under a pile
of self-made stupid dreams
that, rightly, now it seems
are so long starved and dead
for they were only in my head
and my own head, this
rotten bas..tard, is
killing itself now pushing the blame
to those who never did claim
that there was ever a point at all
that there was ever a dent on the wall
and shrugged and walked away
and left no more to say
Saturday, August 02, 2008
I’ll try to keep it short (which basically means its going to be long. I’ll try nevertheless)
1. Rather than ‘being’ unconventional, its about discovering whether you are. Mishra’s right, it should not be forceful. For you won’t be ‘discovering’ then, only trying to ‘be’ (unconventional). But on the other hand, it should not be constrained either! For then you’re only trying hard to be conventional, not discovering. So don’t push yourself, and don’t pull yourself. Let loose. Break free. Float. Free fall.
2. If you, as you say, don’t know whether your life is on autopilot, then it definitely is. Making decisions is a conscious thing. You don’t do it in your sleep.
3. “Disturb yourself”. These are not my exact words you bastard. kuch bhi bolega! Anyway, what you mean by it is probably what I meant by whatever I said. And so this one deserves further clarification. Here goes:
I love climbing down the stairs. Climbing up is easy and conventional, there are only so many ways (some 3 or 4) you can do it. But climbing down is more freedom, for you can do it in a lot more ways and also its easier. Now why I like climbing down is actually because of what I do with it. And what I do with it is, I Let Loose. I let my body have a near free fall and then try to control the mess! Take huge jumps, skip 5 6 or more steps, land with a thud on a step and so on, and yet be safe at all times. This trying-to-steer-an-out-of-control-system is the fun part for me. And the final landing on the ground, I try to make it as much as I can, a fitting finale. In dark contrast, climbing down one step at a time, is lame as lame can be.
Now this, is what I meant by disturbing yourself. This is what Joker meant by introducing anarchy. BUT, there is a stark difference. A difference that makes all the difference. That I am introducing anarchy in only my own life, so that it only affects me, and kills only my own boredom. Whereas the Joker is taking with him the whole world for a ride. Which is sick, in my opinion.
4. The fourth, the last, and probably the most important point of this point-list by me is what will make this whole discussion futile (seemingly so, for I don’t think anything at all, ever, is futile).
The over-hyped point, thus, is this:
Everything, when sampled for a large enough population, becomes a Normal Curve. (I don’t know whether this statement is true, but I’ve never found a conflict). People of the world, too, seem to fit into this. Imagine a bell (normal) curve, where people beyond the 95% (or whatever) mark on the right form the minority, and everyone on their left is the majority.
Most of the people on this planet (the majority) are average, and conventional. And that should not surprised anyone, for that is the definition of ‘average’ and ‘conventional’. A few of them, though, are not so (the minority). They’re unconventional. Now when the chance comes, it is these unconventional people (whether they know they’re so or not is immaterial) who will not chain themselves for fear of being unconventional.
It is now possible, and happens all the time, that during the journey of his life, a person shifts from the minority to the majority (which is mostly because he became stagnant and not-interesting and the world caught up to him, thus engulfing him into the majority). Also, a lot of new borns are landing onto the planet. And as they grow, fall into the Normal Curve of Interestingness. The curve may shift to the right (towards more interesting) if the new borns turn out to be more intelligent and interesting, or to the left if otherwise. Now, though the curve has shifted, the precious statement still holds true that those beyond the 95% (or whatever) mark will be called unconventional and those to their left are again, conventional. Thus, at all times, the world has a given percentage (that will not change substantially) of the weirdos, even though the people making up those percentages may shift places.
And thus, it is wrong and futile to try to make the whole world unconventional, or to be unhappy (as you say I am) with the fact that everyone in the world is normal. I am not doing either of these. I’m only saying, discover yourself. Don’t tie your hands. Don’t have limits. Don’t live under the weight of what they tell you you are. Knowing fully well, that those who’re unconventional, will listen to me and those who are normal, just won’t get it.