of feelings and all

i have feelings. and i feel them sometimes. strange ones at that.
i feel slow sometimes. and heavy. congested. i feel as if my circuit's crashing. i feel all filled up. songs make them aggravate, the feelings. so i went out. for a cycle bhraman. with my discman. and songs. bad choice of company.

kgp is full of roads. that keep turning after short distances. like all roads. but its good here. at about 10 at night, there aren't many people on the inner roads of kgp. scanty traffic. and cycling alone is bliss.

so i was cycling. slow. coz i was heavy. and filled up. not with food. but feelings. i pedalled. again. and again. slowly. watching the front tyre. and the road beneath it. it was good. relative velocity. i cycled for half an hour. slowly. sat in a bus stand somewhere for sometime. then walked. with the cycle. and discman. soon realised i was walking with the music of the song. i wasn't looking ahead. i was watching my legs as i took each step. there was some rythm. the feet really look their best when reaching out for further land. and when it had grabbed a foot-long piece of land, the other one rythmically reached out for more.

there were streetlights on the roadside. lighted. and one of them was dim. i looked at it, the dim one. i too felt the same. dim. i kept walking but still kept looking at the poor streetlight. and suddenly it lit up! bright! it was so sudden! the contrast was huge! it had been lying near-dead a moment ago and suddenly it was shining so bright! i felt elated! i felt charged! i climbed on the cycle and pedalled. standing. i felt the wind. and kept pedalling harder for more and more wind. i loved the speed. i stood up to my maximum height. it was freedom! i was feeling excitement in the purest form.

i was near gol-C now. there was the usual junta wandering around. the usual peaceful atmosphere. and i was standing on my cycle (to my maximum height) and speeding like anything. i felt conscious. i sat down. slowed down. and cursed the world.

but atleast i knew now. that i do have feelings. of excitement and elation, alongside the strange ones.